On Being Ready

When I was single, I used to curse my fate and wasted hours wondering why I couldn’t find someone to settle down with. For so many years I felt like not enough, an obvious outsider in the land of coupledom, the fifth wheel, that friend who was always going on dates but never really had a partner. But now that I am days away from marrying Mr. Darcy, almost three years into our relationship, I am glad it took me until I was 36 to find my Mr. Right and until I was 39 to get married.

You see, all that time I spent dating random guys (or as some would say “sowing my wild oats”), I learned a lot about myself, about relationships, and about love. So when I finally met Mr. Darcy, I was in a place where I was ready. I haven’t been bothered by any nagging regrets- did I live out my single days to their fullest? Why yes, yes I did. I have the stories to tell and the scars to prove it.

Every guy I dated before Mr. Darcy helped shape the woman I am today- for better or for worse- and I’m grateful for all of them, even the ones who broke my heart. Because in its breaking, I learned how resilient my heart is and it grew stronger every time. I have no regrets for the life I’ve led or the men I’ve shared it with. I even got lucky a few times and dated some really great guys who are now among my closest and best friends. In fact, three of them are coming to my wedding.

The other day as I walked through our old neighborhood, I kind of chuckled to myself. Six and a half years ago when I moved to Seattle, I wanted so desperately to fit into the scene there. The dirty emo hipsters with their tattoos and tight jeans and retro outfits, their late nights at bars and hangover breakfasts on Sundays. I wanted to be cool too. And maybe I was. Maybe I still am. But I realized then as I dodged smoking teens and street musicians and girls much younger, thinner, and hipper than I, that I’m so happy with my life. My suburban life with Mr. Darcy in a house we own, at jobs we like, surrounded by friends and family we love, the hope for a child alive inside of us, about to get married to one another. This is the dream I never thought would come true. It’s so much simpler than I ever thought and yet, more than I thought was possible for myself.

So many of you have been on this journey alongside me, reading my updates, and giving advice and support. It feels like forever ago and simultaneously like yesterday that I was lamenting my single life and my poor choices in men- so much so that my friends intervened with the Boyfriend Review Board. Remember that? Luckily Mr. Darcy (who was known as Bachelor #4 back then) passed with flying colors.

You guys? I’m getting married on Sunday. I can hardly believe this is happening to me.

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49 thoughts on “On Being Ready

  1. Its wonderful that you have no regrets, No real doubts, and find yourself ready! So many can learn so much from you!! I’m excited for you and Mr. Darcy. You are both so wonderful and deserve only the best!! Congratulations! Happy Wedding Week!

  2. Loved going back and reading those questions and answers. 🙂 It has been so fun watching you have this relationship that makes you happy, while also seeing you be strong and centered in who you are. I’m SO thrilled for you.

  3. Congrats! No matter what–DO NOT forget to stop at several points during your wedding day (before you walk down the aisle/before you two walk into the reception/after the first kiss/etc.) and take 30-90 seconds to simply bask in that moment.
    Cheers!

  4. Good things DO come to those who wait (especially if they are busy living their lives rather than putting everything on hold until one particular aspect feels “right”). I am deeply happy for both of you and hope only that you will remain open and available to all the possibilities of the ceremony you’ve dreamed of for so long. What you get may not overlap exactly with what you’ve planned, but it will be yours, for ever and for always. Enjoy!

  5. I agree with Britt, it has been such a treat being witness to your journey. Thank you for including us so much!

    You are going to be the most beautiful bride, and I’m already itching to see your fabulous wedding photos. That Mr. Darcy is one LUCKY man to have finally landed you… you are a prize!

    xo

  6. I need a Boyfriend Review Board! 🙂 I’m so thrilled for you two. I can’t believe the wedding week is already here. I’m wishing you the most magical day!

  7. Yahoo!! Now in the single digits in your countdown! So many people try to look back on where they were before they found who they are and the person they will spend the rest of their life with, and you are able to reflect through your blog… An accurate look at your evolution to you.
    Wishing you a week full of happiness! (Sorry that I thought your wedding was last weekend!)

  8. I cannot even remember what year it was when I first met you and Jenny Two Times. I met Jenny first and she introduced me to you. I know it was when I was a home owner of a three story townhome… and I lived in that mouse infested place from 2001 to 2005 I think… but it was there at the town house that I met you crazy girls…cuz then I moved to a much better apartment where I rented for the next 4 years … till I moved in Dec 2010 to Tyndall SD …. it’s been a whirlwind of blogging eh? I am happy you have found Darcy. Long ago, I always thought Duckie was your true love. But now you and Chris will have a wonderful life together! Congrats.

  9. Aww Sizz. You were one of the first blogs I ever read, and truth be told, you’ve been an inspiration to me throughout these what, six years or so that we’ve followed along each other’s stories. Your candor and your authenticity is something I have always admired. I couldn’t be more thrilled for you at this special time in your life. Thank YOU for sharing yourself along with us all these years. Congratulations to you my friend!

  10. Yaaaay! I love hearing this voice. It’s true what they say…even though you think it’s BS at the time: it will happen for you, and when it does you’ll KNOW. And not only will you know, but I add in that is far better than anything you could imagine for yourself. So happy for you!!!

  11. I’ve loved being a part of your journey … am so very excited for what’s to come for you this weekend … and cannot wait to continue on this journey with you as you enter another chapter in your life!

  12. Six-and-a-half years? For real? Because I remember that, and I’m kind of tripping out at TIME right now. Goodness. Anyway, SO very happy for you! I look forward to being along, somehow, for the next part of your journey. xoxo

  13. Yay for life and love and being happy with both. Your post resonated so much with me, but for different reasons (as I am obviously not getting married any time soon). But ti’s so important to be happy with you are in life. It’s something I’m constantly trying to remember.

    But I am so excited, happy, blissful for you start this new chapter in your life and that you realize it’s the perfect time do so.

  14. You’ve come long way, baby! What an amazing week you have ahead of you… I’m thinking of you and sending bushels of well wishes – for the week, the big event, and a lifetime of health and happiness.

    Cheers to you, Mr. and Mrs. Darcy!

  15. Yay! You’re getting married! (Said in my happiest, loudest, sing-song voice.) And after reading his answers to all those questions, Mr. Darcy is definitely a keeper!

  16. It’s so, so fun to read this – I came back to it a few times today with a huge smile on my face to read it again 🙂 This and your distracted wedding tweets. I love them. I’m incredibly happy for you and Mr. D, and truly grateful to have been there since the beginning to hear about it every step of the way. And I can’t wait to see you two take your vows (those written yet? :>) on Sunday. Very, very special.

  17. As a still-single 39 year old woman, your post made me really think (and tear up). I am really happy for you both and your post gives me hope for that day when I finally meet MY person.

  18. I am SOOOO excited for you and Mr. Darcy! I’ll be thinking about you Sunday. Can’t wait to see pictures. LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of pictures!

  19. Totally welled up with tears right now. It has been a privilege to watch you on this journey (and meet Mr. Darcy in person!) You deserve all of the happiness and I’m totally with you on how it’s 100% worth the wait for the right guy. All the love in the world to you both this weekend and every day after it. XXOO

  20. Hooray for love!! And happiness!

    (I’ve never asked where your new house is. Wouldn’t it be awesome if we were neighbors and we didn’t even know it?!)

  21. It is truly surprising how when we finally allow them to be and are ready for them, our most desired dreams come true. I am so very happy for you Sizz, in my view, it couldn’t have happen to a better gal. Congrats on being ready and on this new chapter of your life.

  22. It’s funny how you don’t realise that the trials and tribulations of failed relationships are making you a better and wiser person until you meet the right person. Then it just all falls into place. So happy and glad for you. Getting married to the love of your life is so much fun.

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