I’m sitting here in my living room with light from the morning sun p ouring throughour big windows thinking about happiness.
Happiness has never come easy to me. Or if it did, it felt fleeting. I’ve put a lot of pressure on myself to Be! Happy! and mostly felt like a failure because I am unable to sustain the feeling. Does this mean I don’t love my life? Absolutely not. I just find it easier to not operate at that level. It feels way to tenuous and we all know how I like a plan.
But then I met Mr. Darcy and we’ve had all our ups and downs on our love journey, our engagement, buying our house, the cancer summer, and now in just a few days, our wedding, and I can say unequivocally that I have never been more content and happy with my life. It kind of unnerves me but in a really good way. It’s a new feeling, this feeling joy. Letting it stick around, allowing myself to trust it. I have struggled for so long to feel worthy of it.
The problem has never been the absence of happiness but rather the acceptance that I deserve happiness.
I’ve never been more excited about anything more than I am about marrying Mr. Darcy on Sunday. I shared my elation with you because I consider you my friends and even though I can’t invite all of you the wedding, having been here along this journey with me you have played a part in this happiness and for that I thank you. Your excitement at our union has been such a fun part of all of this.
I might not have time to blog again until after the wedding so I wanted to tell you thanks with heartfelt appreciation for your support. I’m about to dive headfirst into a whirlwind of activity, friends, family, laughter, togetherness, love, and, yes, joy. I’m choosing happy today and hopefully all the days that come after it.
I’m making my own happily ever after. Mark my words.