A Whole Lot of What

Has it really been over two weeks since my last blog post? Time flies when you’re up to your eyeballs with event planning. Our annual luncheon is on Wednesday and long-time readers know I usually disappear during the weeks leading up to it. I’ll hopefully be able to have a life again come Thursday. You know, like cook an actual meal, see friends, and not wake up every few hours with event-related thoughts.

When I last wrote, I had met the karaoke neighbors. Sadly, my nice approach did nothing to dissuade them from partying on and so, a week later as they karaoke-raged for four hours, we called the cops. Within 20 minutes of making the call, it was blissfully quiet. A week went by with no episodes and I thought, naively, that they had gotten the message. That maybe it just took cops knocking on your door telling you to knock it off to really understand what an incredible nuisance you are. Nope! They were at it again this weekend and by hour 3, I was at my wit’s end. It was still going on when I went to bed after 11pm even though both myself and Mr. Darcy had called in noise complaints within the last hour and a half.


I just really feel like I served my time with this loud music bullshit having put up with The Music Man all those years at the apartment. We’re going over there today to be a bit more blunt. The music is too loud. The bass is up too high. KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF.

In other news, Kaply has decided to abandon me for the high desert which, while I understand her wanting to live closer to family, really makes me super sad. She was one of my first Seattle pals and it just won’t be the same having her close. This news followed on the heels of Jeni’s announcement that she’s moving to Austin in the Fall and just days after another good friend packed up and moved to California for a really great job opportunity. Let’s not forget that Supple moved back to California not that long ago too. While I’m happy that all of them are going after the lives they want, I’m seriously bummed to lose 4 girlfriends in the span of a year. It’s hard to make friends as you get older and while, of course, I will still remain friends with all of them, it’s not the same as having them in the same city. When did life get so complicated and how in the hell did time whiz by so I’m this almost-40 year old woman trying to get pregnant, going to bed at the hour I used to leave the house for a night on the town, complaining about karaoke neighbors, and lamenting the challenges of aging?

My 40th birthday is in a little over a month. I’ve been so busy that I haven’t yet panicked about it. Is there really anything to panic about? I managed to eek some major life accomplishments in during my 39th year- marry my person, buy a house, beat cancer. I just had my second PAP check up post-surgery and it came back clear again. No HPV. No abnormalities. It’s hard to trust that I might be okay after having not been okay. Does that make sense? My ability to live in that place of carefree ignorance is gone. When someone tells you that you have cancer, you don’t ever exist in the world the same way. Even after you get it cut out of you and get a clean bill of health. I’m still trying to make sense of it but know it’s changed how I see myself and the world.

Where am I going with this? I have no idea. I just wanted to pop in and say hi, tell you I’m okay over here, living my little life. Despite life’s little annoyances, I’m content. I’ve been blogging here since February 2005. HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN? Sometimes I think maybe it’s run its course. Maybe it’s time for me to sign off as Sizzle Says and live outside the blog world. I’m not entirely there yet, ready to pull the plug. I’d miss you. That’s the honest answer. I keep sticking around because I like you guys. Even though blogging is nothing like it was back in the early days, I’ve managed to find a community here and that’s what matters. For me, it’s never been about notoriety or getting a book published or being voted “best”- it’s about connecting. And so I keep showing up here with my stories, albeit with less frequency, to talk to you. Thanks for reading and being here, even the ones who just stalk me and never comment. πŸ˜‰


33 thoughts on “A Whole Lot of What

  1. I love you so much! The physical proximity of you adored people may grow but the emotional distance won’t. Imagine the mail packages! You are beloved. I miss you!

  2. We blog for exactly the same reasons. I’ve thought about quitting more times than I can count… but I never have the guts to go through with it.

  3. Hey, Sizz, I’m very glad to hear that your latest exam went well!

    Blogging really isn’t the same anymore. Most of my readers & commenters moved on to FB or their lives, so I don’t have the community you do. There is still that hope for connection, I suppose, so I keep putting it out there. One of these days my efforts will be better spent elsewhere.

  4. That’s so great to hear about your latest results! Hurrah!

    I know how you feel about blogging. I feel the same way. I let a couple weeks go by and wonder why do I even still do it? But I guess I’m not ready to give it up yet.

  5. Pretty sure my jerk neighbors are stealing my cable, messing with my wifi & passwords.

    After I yelled at them for parking in the fire lane (& took photos). Man I’m such a jerk wanted emergency vehicles to be able to get through. I don’t know how they manage to go on living near me if I am going to insist on that kind of crazy talk!

    Because illegal nonsense is happening & has been, & people are getting hurt. (Hello, dislocated elbow)

    My friends all think
    I Am crazy. Because hello, it is fucking crazy!! I haven’t slept in 3 weeks. ER visits & urgent care suck. Even in the god damn suburbs. I live here to get away from this dhit. What the fuckery is going on here? I’m too tired to fix “shit”. Ha! Funny double entendre there.

    I just want the good Benadryl & a nap.

    Van we please go
    Back to real life? Can, even?

    No,how about anywhere but here, then?

    I’d tell you to hang in there but I’m doing that too and it just gets worse’

    Pass the tequila? I hear it fixes everything.

    Can’t post this in my own space. This totally sucks, huh. Life. Going on. All around. The End *YAWN*

  6. I would miss you as well if you left. But then, I quit a few months ago. After a year of barely blogging at all. I just love too many of you people I only get to see online. I can’t quit! It really isn’t the same when you don’t live in the same city as the person you want to hang out with. Stupid teleportless world we live in.

  7. Also, my friends are all moving to OR, your people are flocking south, my brother just moved from Seattle to Texas…how wrong would it be to send out search parties & claim they were missing? Super wrong? That’s too bad..coming up with plan b next I suppose..if you stop blogging will we be able to still hear from you elsewhere, perhaps?

    • Pretty sure Stacey wins at blog commenting. Also, after what I posted earlier I certainly hope you are not “my” Stacey. That would be…awkward. (No offense; ugh dil-aud-I’d is barfy, handful of Benadryl time. This is why I just bought 5 boxes at 2am. Weekends sure suck right now. I really hope all my ex coworkers have to work hung over tomorrow. In rooms with 20 2 year-olds. What, too much? Karma is awesome… πŸ˜‰ ) fuckery again. And shit for good measure. Adding new friends to the shopping list in 5, 4…

  8. I’ve often thought about quitting my blog too. Switching formats really did help, but I’m not very consistent with posts. Oh well. I sure wish we lived in the same state, because I know we could get into lots of trouble together. Woohoo for your latest cancer free knews and I hope the owners of the Kareoke neighbor’s property can do something. Such a sucky situation.

  9. I have thought about quitting, but I need a place to brain dump, and it already has robots. Also, if you think that you are going to be rid of me, you have got another think coming. It’s only a three hour flight from Joshua Tree to Seattle.

  10. I was just going to go to bed and I decided to read your post first, and I’m glad I did. I’ve been feeling the same as you regarding my blog, not knowing if its time to turn in the towel or continue, since I’ve been at it since 2005 as well. I also have had similar thoughts about being 40 and what it means to me, and even though I haven’t gotten married or met cancer (don’t really want to do that), I am with the person I see myself with for the long run, I also just bought a place I call home, and I’m missing my girlfriends terribly. I’m not sure how 40 will hit you, if at all, but I’ve been rethinking my entire life, especially my carrer, my job and what I dedicate my time tomthese days. I think I’m having a midlife crisis to be frank, which agewise makes total sense, and even though I’m not buying a sports car or getting myself a mistress, as all good midlife crisis induce, I feel sad, angry and sometimes a little numb about the whole thing. It’s hard being a grown up, it’s been hard for me to be 40, whatever that may mean, but life continues and so do we. I do so hope you keep writing here, because I really do enjoy being part of your life, even if it is virtually.

  11. I would miss you too much, too. And that is part of the reason I keep it up, too. This handful of people means so much to me.

    It doesn’t sound to me like 40 is going to do all that much to you, but given your past year, that is a good thing. If you want, you could have a fun mid-life “crisis” instead that involved something harmless like taking up a new hobby rather than a mistress or sports car. πŸ™‚ Just please don’t make it hang-gliding or something equally crazy.

    And I’m sorry your neighbors appear to be dense. Maybe their drinking is more of a problem than they let on. Are they young people just renting the place? Maybe there is a way to get a hold of a land lord, or maybe the cops do that after a certain number of complaints.

  12. Love your good news wrt to the most recent checkup. I get that lack of trust in your body post-dx. It’s like, hey buddy – you already defected on me once and now I’m supposed to simply ignore that? Not happening.

    Friends moving away is rough. I just got back from a weekend with college dorm friends. We try to gather every year but it gets tricky for the ones who have to fly in from out of state. Always worth it, though.

    Blogging? I am giving myself a 3 day waiting period after the urge to completely delete mine surfaced for the third time in recent memory. The blogosphere has shifted gears and what I was doing doesn’t seem to mesh as well. Onward!

  13. Good luck with your event. I can imagine you’ll be very, very glad to have it over with.

    I’ve been pondering friendship in one’s 30s and 40s a lot lately. My best friend in Knoxville is moving to Florida this week. It really is harder to make friends as we age. But on top of that, I’m a bit bothered by the effects of how transitive our lives are these days. Our parents and grandparents put down roots in communities and hardly would ever leave. That’s not the case with our generation. Of course I would never, ever, ever begrudge anyone a chance to pursue bigger and better things — and I’ve done it plenty on my own — but I can’t help but be bothered by the greater effects this has on our social structure.

    Sigh. All that to say, I’m thinking of you this week, Sizzle.

  14. If I lived closer to you, I’d start a movement to stop the karaoke insanity, starting at your neighbor’s front door. WTH!?!?!

    And, in some ways, I feel your pain re. friends moving on. Around here, people tend to move when they start a family … some to the suburbs, others to far off places where their family support networks reside. It’s tough to stomach, for sure. That said, Sweets and I have discovered a whole new community of parents through Gavin’s daycare. We have made some brilliant friends who live mere blocks from us, but whom we never would have met if it weren’t for our children. I know you’re in this weird in-between place of losing friends to far off places and the what’s next. But, I have high hopes for you and Mr. Darcy – both in becoming parents and in meeting a new, wonderful community of people as a result.

  15. 1. Your neighbors SUCK and hope they shut the hell up with their damn music already.

    2. Having friends move away is difficult. It’s like you said, it gets to be more difficult making new friends. At the same time though, you are such a sweet person that I know you’ll keep making new friends along the way while keeping in constant touch with the ones you have now.

    3. I would miss you IMMENSELY if you stopped blogging but completely understand the need to unplug.

    Hugs lady, many many hugs xoxo

    Oh and yay for no cancer!!

  16. I feel the same way sometimes, about quitting blogging, but I also feel like my blog has little audience (unlike yours), so I’m not sure how much it would matter to other people. I like having a place where I can dump thoughts and pictures on occasion and not have to be “myself” in the same way I am on Facebook and other places.

  17. “For me, it’s never been about notoriety or getting a book published or being voted β€œbest”” — it’s so refreshing to hear someone say that! I blog cos I like to write, that’s all. Luckily I have few readers so I get to delete my whole blog and start again and again whenever the urge takes me hehe. I’d miss you if you went. I know I don’t comment often but I’m always reading. I agree with what Stacey said: baby news first (be it a baby or living without a baby, I’m not putting any pressure on you!), and living life as a married woman. It seems all rosy and amazing now… wait a little while. It’s still rosy and amazing but it also sucks sometimes too πŸ˜‰

  18. Wait — you had cancer!?!? Clearly I have some catching up to do. So glad you’re okay!!
    Your post reminded me of the time my sister and her husband (he’s Filipino-American — they LOVE karaoke) had a party and got out the karaoke machine. It was only 6 PM, but the next thing you know someone had called in a noise complaint and two cops were strolling into the house. “Oh, hello, officers!” my sister greeted them cheerfully, without missing a beat, as if the police were always dropping by the place.
    I read a really good book, “MWF Seeking BFF” by Rachel Bertsche, about her attempts to make new friends as an adult after moving with her husband to a city where she knew no one (Chicago). It’s funny and fascinating — I recommend it, if you haven’t read it already.
    And I agree with Stacey — pandemonium will break out if you stop blogging before a baby is created. πŸ˜‰

  19. I know I’m always late to say so, but I appreciated this update a lot. And I even knew most of this stuff. But I just like to see you show up in my reader . . . it makes me feel like the people I love the most are close.

    I, too, am so upset about our lovely kittens who have decided to move away. We’re just going to have to cuddle up real close.

    Hang in there with effed neighbors and the overall roller coaster – maybe after this week you’ll be able to take a little time for yourself. Sending lots of love.

  20. If you were to stop blogging I would greatly miss my weekly “Sizzle Fix”. Your blog almost always puts a smile on my face, makes me giggle, and sometimes makes me cry. Even though I don’t personally know you I feel like I do.

  21. Hi Dear! YEA, on your PAP report! Sincere happiness for you here. Would miss you terribly if you quit blogging. 😦 I hear you about your noisy neighbors. A few years ago next door family, wife was deaf so they turned up the music LOUD so she could feel the vibration and this would go on until 2, 3, 4 in the morning. No matter how many times I went over to ask to have the music turned down it would only last a day at the most then they’d be at it again. Just got to the point I had the police department number on my frig and called. Some people just don’t get it.

  22. I want you to keep blogging because it IS hard to make friends as an adult, so those online connections count! Also, I love your writing style and your honesty and openness. Here’s to another great year.

  23. Ugh, that’s frustrating with the neighbors! Hope your luncheon went well. Congrats on a fabulous 39th year and your check up! I can’t imagine how that would change my outlook on life. I should really realize just how fortunate I am to be in good health (without the assistance of a life changing diagnosis).

  24. I feel you on so many levels (although your neighbors are worse than ours!). It is hard to make local friends as you get older. It’s a bummer. I’m hoping moving to a small town might make it a little easier.

    I hope you’re doing something really, really fun for your 40th by the way!! My fellow Aries. And I hope you don’t stop blogging. I’ve been floundering with posting lately, too, but even when you get those 2 or 3 comments, it’s really comforting. You’re so right – it’s all about the connection.

  25. As one of the semi stalkers (commenting very rarely), I would be sad if you stopped blogging. I love catching up with your life… it’s kinda like you’re one of my old friends in Seattle. I just recently left the last city I lived in for 10 years for a “great job opportunity” and I’m missing my old life something fierce. I completely get the whole “it’s harder to make friends as you get older”. It’s kinda driving me nuts. πŸ™‚ Hang in there!

    You need to figure out what type of karaoke machine it is and buy a remote for it. Then you could shut it off whenever you want… maybe they would think it’s broken and get rid of it. πŸ˜‰

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